Finding Your Local Sex-Positive Culture

Introduction

Rather than attempting to list every organization of relevance to sex-positive culture in every major city, an attempt which would quickly go out of date, the following guide takes a different approach: it shows you how to search for what is available in a given city. It was last updated on April 15, 2005.

A few tips before we begin:

• There is always time in life for new experiences, but some health and safety mistakes can't be undone: if you haven't learned enough about safer sex to know what you need to do to preserve your own health and that of those around you, or aren't sure whether you're the sort of person who can stick with what you've decided, then this isn't the guide you should be reading right now.
• Common courtesy, and asking whenever you're unsure whether something is OK, never go out of style.
• Guides to Seattle, San Francisco, Portland, and Vancouver have already been completed, and for those cities save you the trouble of doing the searches below. A separate guide is available for sex-positive college and university student organizations.
• If you live in a smaller city, then also do the searches below for the largest city within driving distance.
• Three national non-profit organizations actively defending the freedoms which sex-positive culture depends on are the ACLU (see http://www.aclu.org), the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (see http://www.ncsfreedom.org), and the work the Planned Parenthood Foundation does to maintain access to birth control and STD prevention measures (see http://www.plannedparenthood.org). Consider supporting their work if you can.

Swing Clubs

Male-female couples who are comfortable with the idea of sex or flirtation with other couples, as a social activity, may find clubs like these to be exactly what they're looking for.

To find them, check the NASCA listings (yes, finding them is that simple).

Please note that almost all swing clubs sharply curtail participation by single males, and that female bisexual activity tends to be an accepted part of the swinging social milieu while male bisexual activity rarely is.

To learn more about the modern swing community, read The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers by Terry Gould if you want history and background, Together Sex by Dana and Ed Allen if you're interested in how swing events are hosted, or Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle if you just want etiquette.

BDSM Clubs and Community Organizations

The term ``BDSM,'' as used here, includes a wide variety of consensual activities ranging from the erotic application of ``pain'' to a willing recipient, to erotic role playing (e.g. Dominance and Submission), to bondage and sensory deprivation.

To find clubs and organizations devoted to BDSM play, first check the LeatherPage club list, then the "Meet People -> Groups and Contacts" section of Caryl's Page, and then search for the name of your city on the DungeonNet site. [As a practical matter, organizations which have folded rarely take the time to ask that every resource guide which links to them remove their listing, so don't be surprised when you find a few links to organizations which have since called it quits.]

Next, try the following customized Google searches (where you replace [CITY] with the name of your city):

For more information on BDSM practice and safety, start with either The New Bottoming Book (by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy) or the second edition of Sensuous Magic (by Patrick Califia), and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns (by Philip Miller and Molly Devon); from there, you can move on to some of the more specialized books published by Greenery Press. The Usenet newsgroup soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm can often be useful, and you may also find value in the print magazine Prometheus.

Neo-Tantric / Neo-Taoist Sexuality

The current standout in this type of education is the Body Electric School, which offers a nationwide schedule. Also see the teacher and workshop listings at tantra.com as well the results of the following Google search:

One popular book about this kind of stuff is The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers.

Polyamory

``Polyamory'' has been defined as ``the philosophy and practice of loving or relating intimately to more than one person at a time with honesty and integrity'': in other words, it's an openness to being involved in more than one romantic and/or sexual relationship at once, with the knowledge and consent of each partner.

See the polyamory.org groups list, the alt.polyamory support list, the polymatchmaker.com local poly support list, and/or the results of the following Google search:

Two excellent books on the subject of polyamory are Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits by Dr. Deborah Anapol and The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (the former book has an emphasis on long-term relationships, while the latter is much more broad). The print magazine Loving More and the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory may also contain helpful advice.

As a side note, the question of what truly distinguishes ``polyamory'' from ``swinging'' has been the subject of considerable online debate within the poly community. However, an outside observer would probably be most struck by the following distinctions:

1. The swing community is largely based on the participation of male-female couples, and protecting the existing relationship of each couple is accorded prime importance. The poly community tends to be much more fluid than this.
2. Forming ``triads,'' or any other arrangement where new relationship bonds are of the same strength and priority as one's ``primary'' relationship, is common in the poly community but comparatively rare in the swing community.
3. Organized participation in social/recreational sex at gatherings and clubs created specifically for this purpose is a fundamental characteristic of the swing community which is not fundamental to the poly community.
4. Some of the modern poly community's major cultural influences (e.g. internetculture, science fiction conventions and fandom, and neo-paganism) have far less prominence in the swing community.

Gothic Dance Clubs

These are not about sex per se, but if you like gothic or industrial music they're a wonderful opportunity to dress up in fetish-style clothing and dance. See the International Gothic Club Listing.

Nudism and Naturism

Please understand that naturist clubs and nude beaches are not about sex: however, they're an excellent route to body acceptance, and feeling better about your body enhances all aspects of physical life.

To find naturist clubs, see the AANR clubs list for North America and the Naturist Society organizations list for the rest of the world.

GLBT Resources

General

As a practical matter, if there is a GLBT newspaper covering your city then you'll probably its events and resource listings to be more comprehensive than anything you could find online.

Failing this, pick up a copy of either Damron Men's Travel Guide (which will also cover baths and leather bars) or Damron Women's Traveller.

Bi-Specific

The best guide we know of is the one maintained by the Bisexual Resource Center.

Transgender-Specific

The best guide we know of is the Transgender Forum Resource Guide. The print magazine Transgender Tapestry will also contain resource information.

For Gay or Bi Men

Bathhouses

The best online guide is maintained by Guide Magazine (select the "Gay Travel" link).

As a practical matter, if you have unsafe sex at places like these (ESPECIALLY anal intercourse without a condom), no matter what the guy you met there looks like or what he tells you, then you may be clinically insane: safer sex is always important, but here it's particularly important. Also:

• If you don't have a lot of experience at sex with other men, then you should avoid going when either intoxicated or in any other state that might increase the chances you'll neglect the safer sex standards you have set for yourself.
• Safer sex ``negotiation'' tends to be handled non-verbally, so you should be prepared to assume responsibility for your own safety by putting condoms on and/or seeing that they're put on (though as a frank piece of advice: if your personal safer sex standards include using condoms for oral sex, then you may wish to avoid oral sex at the baths...)

Etiquette tips for the baths are available online (e.g. at http://channels.gay.com/health/sexuality/article.html?sernum=785). Information on the history of men's baths may be found at http://www.gaytubs.com, though more complete by far is the book Policing Public Sex (by the ``Dangerous Bedfellows'' collective).

Radical Faeries

Directories of Radical Faerie organizations are available through radfae.org or rfdmag.org: check the "Local Faerie Circles" link or the "Faerie Folk Finder" link.

Sex Toys

At this point, probably because it's so easy to just order toys online, there don't seem to be any web sites which review sex toy stores by city by city.

But along the West Coast, three of the best storefront shops (all of which also do online sales) are Toys in Babeland in Seattle, Womyn's Ware in Vancouver (probably the best choice for Canadian customers), and Good Vibrations in San Francisco.

Body Piercing

See the "Getting Pierced -> Locate an APP Piercer" section of the Association of Professional Piercers web site.

Fetish Fashion

See the print magazine Skin Two for information on both events and designers.

Health Care

STD Testing and Prevention

Call the National STD Hotline (800-227-8922) for STD clinic locations. Other health-related hotlines include the Emergency Contraception Hotline (888-668-2528) and Planned Parenthood (800-230-7526). Basic safer sex supplies like condoms and water-based lube (and if needed, Saran Wrap or disposable gloves) are now available at most drug stores.

Other questions may be a good candidate for the San Francisco Sex Information hotline (415-989-7374).

Counselors and Sex Therapists

See the Kink Aware Professionals List (for alternative sexuality of all types), the Polychromatic List (for counselors familiar with polyamory), or the AASECT List (for mainstream sex therapy).

The book Health Care Without Shame by Dr. Charles Moser may also be helpful reading for you when seeking lifestyle-sensitive health care.

National Conferences and Conventions

Multi-focus: The Dark Odyssey and Paradise annual retreats offer events and workshops of interest to BDSM players, swingers, Tantra enthusiasts, etc. Of the two, Dark Odyssey has a fuller class schedule, while Paradise is less expensive and possibly a little more laid-back.

Swinging: The Lifestyles convention is the biggest and the oldest, N'awlins in November has been getting a lot of buzz recently, and many other conventions are listed on the NASCA Conventions Page.

BDSM (all genders): A few examples are TESFest (New York), Black Rose (Washington DC), Folsom Street Fair (San Francisco), Thunder in the Mountains (Denver), and KinkFest (Portland). A museum rather than a conference, the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago is well worth visiting. A calendar of BDSM conferences, including mixed-gender, men-only, and women-only events, is maintained at The BDSM Events Page.

BDSM (women-only): The Wicked Womyn and Pacific Friction gatherings.

BDSM (men-only): The International Mr. Leather contest (if this event is of interest to you then you might also want to check out the book International Mr. Leather: 25 Years of Champions).

BDSM (leadership): The Leather Leathership Conference.

Polyamory: Options include the Love that Works and Loving More conferences, as well as the NFNC Summer Camp.

Scientific and Medical: The Kinsey Institute Conference List is the most comprehensive right now, while the National Sexuality Resource Center site contains solid information on graduate study programs in the area of sexuality (as well as information on subscribing to their research-oriented print magazine American Sexuality). Realistically either of these resources would only be of interest to professional researchers, graduate students, or in some cases educators.

Artistic: The Seattle Erotic Art Festival is the best place to see good art and often purchase it at bargain prices, while the Burning Man Festival (though not a sex event per se) is noteworthy for being on the social and artistic cutting edge in every other way, see the recent book This is Burning Man for more background.

Miscellaneous: The Exotic Erotic Ball.

International Events: The World Sex News Listings are the best we've found so far, a sample listing being England's Night of the Senses. Also, a guide to sex museums worldwide is available.

In Closing

• It's sometimes useful to try the category links (if any) that appear on successful Google results, though keep in mind that you will typically find many links to organizations that no longer exist.
• Whether inside or outside sex-positive culture, part of being an informed citizen is knowing your rights. See the ACLU's wallet-sized reference card.
• Eventually we'd like to branch out from our West Coast groove and write a city guide for New York. For now, you should know that (unlike most other cities) there are entire in-print books covering sex in New York. They include: Sexy New York City, A Guide to New York's Fetish Underground, Betty and Pansy's Severe Queer Review of New York, and Queer New York City. Also of interest is NYC Sex: How New York Transformed Sex in America, co-written by the chief curator for the New York Museum of Sex.

Our Partners:

ManBukkake

GotPornVideos

 Area51Bukkake

 FuckMyFaceAndAss

 BlowBlowjobs

Cum-Zilla

Teenszilla

 007pornvideos

007xxxadultvideos

18bukkake

911pornvideos

Analdrenchedfaces

Blowjobasian

Eroticxxxadultvideos

 Filipinabukkake

 Gotpornvideos

Hardcorexxxad

ultvideos

 Hugepornvideos

Linksbukkake

 Moviebukkake

 Searchxxxadultvideos

 Videobukkake

Asiagirlslive

 Allasiansporn

Asianslive

 Philipinadreamgirls

 Asiantinysluts

 Bukkake-4u

Bukkakefriend

Filipinadreamgirls

Flip18

Megaasians

Myasians

Newbukkake

Sexyblondecum

---------------

BUKKAKE LINKS & VIDEOS

• Types of Drinking
• Facials Tips
• History Japanese Asians
• More Stars Oral Girls
• Skin Facial Treatment?
• Girls looked down on?
• Drinking/Eating
• Stars and Education

Links to FREE Bukkake Sites

• Bukkake video Gallery 1
• Bukkake movies 2
• Oral vids 3
• Bukkake Asians 4
• Bukkake teens 5
• Bukkake TGP 6
• Extreme Videos 7
• More Drinking 8
• Only Eating gallery 9
• Bukkake Movies 10
• Extreme Bukkake 11
• Hard bukkake 12
• Deep Throat Facials 13
• Just Videos Bukkake 14

• Oral Bukaki Germany
• Sperm Spain
• Facials Norway
• Money Shot Bukkaki Dutch
• Italian Videos
• French Drinking Eating
• Portugese

More bukkake blowjobs and oral sex facial Links

--------------

------------