San Francisco Sexuality Resources

Introduction

This guide provides brief descriptions and contact information for some of the sex-positive cultural resources of San Francisco, California. Before beginning, we should pause to mention that:

• This guide is only intended for (and frankly only of use to) consenting adults, since the overwhelming majority of the organizations it describes are restricted to participants over the age of 18 or 21.
• This guide comes with no guarantees, may eventually go out of date, in some points is (by necessity) based on second-hand suggestions rather than the first-hand experience of its creators, and in using it you release its creators from any liability concerning it. In other words, it is at best a starting point, and never a substitute for using good judgment.
• There is always time in life for new experiences, but some health and safety mistakes can't be undone: if you haven't learned enough about safer sex to know what you need to do to preserve your own health and that of those around you, or aren't sure whether you're the sort of person who can stick with what you've decided, then this isn't the guide you should be reading right now.
• Common courtesy, and asking whenever you're unsure whether something is OK, never go out of style.
• Three national non-profit organizations actively defending the freedoms which sex-positive culture depends on are the ACLU (see http://www.aclu.org), the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (see http://www.ncsfreedom.org), and the work the Planned Parenthood Foundation does to maintain access to birth control and STD prevention measures (see http://www.plannedparenthood.org). Consider supporting their work if you can.
• If you sometimes travel to other cities on the West Coast, then you may also wish to check out our West Coast Sex-Positive Culture Awards for 2004.

This guide was last updated on May 27, 2005, and is in part based on information gathered during a real-life visit to San Francisco over May 21-25, 2003.

Sex Education

Mixed-gender

• Good Vibrations hosts a wide range of classes each month in their stores: click on "Educational Programs" in their web site followed by "After Hours Events" to see a listing. Most are mixed-gender but a few are women-only.
• Select "San Francisco Classes" followed by "Meeting People / Intimacy" on the Learning Annex site for evening classes on topics such flirting, sensual dance, and Tantra.
• The SFSI Educator Training is open for anyone to take, though it makes the most sense for people who would like to staff the SFSI volunteer hotline.
• The Insitute for the Advanced Study of Sexology offers independent graduate coursework, and several certificate programs, in sexology.
• Fairy Butch offers workshops in gender and sexuality, as well as hosting the monthly "In Bed With Fairy Butch" cabaret.
• In cooperation with Joseph Kramer, founder of the Body Electric School, the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality is now offering a Sexological Bodywork Certificate. For those completely untrained in massage who would like to reach a more advanced level than a typical weekend workshop would provide, the Body Electric School offers their basic massage courses (for both men and women) in the Oakland area.

Men-only

• The Men's Sex Life workshops and some of the Relationships classes at the Harvey Milk Institute.
• The Gay Life workshops.

Women-only

• The Women's Sex Life workshops and some of the Relationships classes at the Harvey Milk Institute. Also, some of the after hours workshops at Good Vibrations.
• Catherine Rose offers workshops and individualized lessons for women on erotic dance, along with women's tours and couple's tours of the North Beach strip clubs.

GLBT Resources

General

You'll find a wide selection of community events, newspapers, and flyers at the city's impressive GLBT Community Center. Another community institution is A Different Light Books, the city's oldest and best-known gay and lesbian bookstore. In print the SF Bay Times contains excellent listings of GLBT resources and events, and online larrybob's list is often useful.

Lesbian or Bi Women

Dance and social venues for women include The Cherry Bar (host of weekly events including girlspot every Saturday), The Lexington (San Francisco's full-time lesbian bar), and El Rio (offering dancing, music, and open-mic events). The Women's Building offers affordable meeting space for community groups, and offers an event schedule of its own.

Gay or Bi Men

Men with uniform fetishes should check out the Men of Discipline web site. Men with rubber fetishes should check out the Rubber Men of San Francisco Bay web site. For bears and their admirers there's Bears of San Francisco. See radfae.org for the San Francisco Bay Area radical faerie hotline.

Bi Men and Women

BiFriendly hosts bi-friendly social events in San Francisco and surrounding areas (South Bay Bisexual Organizers and Activists is the equivalent organization in San Jose). For a good history of bi activism in the bay area, visit the Bay Area Bisexual Network site and click on "Who We Are." Two good ways to keep up on what's happening are the BABN Events and Chat Lists and the Bi the Bay LiveJournal community.

Transgender

For most alternately-gendered folks, TransGender San Francisco is a solid place to start: it's the oldest transgender educational and social organization in the United States. Some FTM folks may wish to start with FTM International, which is the longest-running educational organization for FTM's and trans men in the United States. Both TransGender San Francisco and Transbay offer up-to-date online resource guides.

Adam to Eve Transformations offers makeovers, wig styling, and related services, while Trannyshack remains the most popular drag event in the city. On a slightly different note, a nightclub called Diva's may be the country's only full-time openly transgendered strip club.

Dancing

Mixed-gender/orientation Clubs

Even including this section may be a lost cause, as clubs come and go, and wax and wane, with frequency. But at least for the last several years the high-energy EndUp has been fixtures of the local scene. The crowd depends on the event and the night of the week, check their web sites to make a choice on which is right for you.

Recently there has been a trend of dance parties positioned much like off-premise swing events but advertised to a younger crowd, with an emphasis on dressing up, and restricted in attendance to couples and women only: Pleasurezone is one example.

One source of current information on the club scene is the San Francisco Bay Guardian web site, click on both "Bars and Clubs" and "Music Listings".

Fetish Fashion and Gothic Events

Five currently-popular dress-up events are Bondage-a-go-go, Wicked City, Club Iniquity, Sin, Slick Productions, and the annual Fetish Ball. This is, of course, likely to change over time.

The best-maintained source of information on gothic nights is the SFGoth web site.

BDSM/Leather/Kink

Community Event Calendars

For the mixed-gender BDSM community, the calendar maintained on the Society of Janus site is a great choice. For the men's leather community, there's the San Francisco Leather Page. The Exiles calendar specializes in the women's community.

Education

The best place for most people to start is the Society of Janus, which is the second oldest BDSM organization in the united states (right after TES in New York); they have a rich schedule of educational events and panels each month, and also offer a monthly munch for new people.

In addition to the Society of Janus, some other current venues for BDSM-related workshops and classes in San Francisco are QSM, Mr. S Leather, and Madame S. The Knotty Boys offer bondage workshops, Cleo Bubois offers multi-day workshops (including several for people who are interested in pro-domme work as a career), and Midori has moved into doing education full-time.

Women who prefer to learn (or socialize) in a women-only environment should look into joining Exiles and attending their monthly workshops. A new organization called Screwup offers similar events for the trans community.

Social, Support, and Play Organizations

Leathermen who prefer the social and erotic company of other men will probably want to look into the 15 Association, which sponsors regular play parties and the annual Bootcamp weekend.

More specialized San Francisco leather community organizations are available for those into animal roleplay (e.g. dressing up in leather pony harnesses) or Master/slave role-play, who enjoy going on motorcycle runs, or who are Catholic.

Men's Leather Bars

The Powerhouse (which also offers SM demos during the month) is very popular.

Out of Town Organizations

SM Odyssey and The Scenery in San Jose both offer parties and workshops. Backdrop offers parties, workshops, and a library for their members in Mountain View. Fantasy Makers offers workshops in El Cerrito, and Pleasure Bound offers social events in Sacramento.

Swing Clubs

On-premise events include Blondie's Playground, Barry and Shell's, Lush, and Arena Club. Off-premise events include Options Socials in Sacramento.

Sex Clubs

Mixed-Gender Sex Clubs

The Power Exchange Substation (i.e. the bottom two floors of the Power Exchange building) are mixed gender when open, except on their one women-only event a month. If you're a male who is sexually attracted only to females, then the Power Exchange Substation will be the most fun if you bring a partner with you rather than expecting to meet up with someone there. The Power Exchange is the largest sex club in the world, and as a fully public mixed-gender club where sex is allowed and single males may be freely admitted, it is the only venue of its kind in the city.

However, please note that traditionally the most ground-breaking mixed-gender events in San Francisco have tended to be invitation-only, and not advertised publicly. The longer you stay involved the community and the most you contribute to it, the more of them you'll hear about and possibly be invited to.

Men's Sex Clubs

Blow Buddies (which also hosts Golden Shower Buddies, Bondage Buddies, Underwear Buddies on various nights of the month) has an excellent local repution and is extremely popular. Eros is particularly clean and well-lit, and very popular on weekends. The Power Exchange Mainstation (i.e. the top two floors of the building) provides a huge amount of space, including plenty of space to lie down. Mack has a rougher reputation than the other clubs, according to Betty and Pansy's Guide. Although there are no bathhouses in San Francisco (the aforementioned clubs are not technically bathhouses, as they do not provide fully private space) but in Berkeley there's one called Steamworks.

A "loose, goofy, and semi-spontaneous" group of men's j/o enthusiasts called SF Jacks meets at one of the above SF clubs twice a month. For male fisting enthusiasts there's a club called The Sling and a nearby similarly equipped Bed and Breakfast.

A cautionary, though hopefully obvious, reminder may be in order here: you cannot tell whether somebody is HIV-positive or HIV-negative based on how they look, or based on anything they say. Please, don't take chances with your own health, or that of another.

Polyamory Organizations and Resources

The best places to start are the SFBay-Poly Mailing List and the SFBay-Poly Online Calendar, though if time permits you may also wish to subscribe to Bay Area Spiritual Polyamory and/or Bay Area Polyamory. Additionally, the Loving More West Coast Conferences are held at nearby Harbin Hot Springs every year. A list of local poly-friendly therapists and services is maintained at the polychromatic web site, two examples being Geri Weitzman and Integrated Healing Arts.

To the south of San Francisco (in San Jose) the South Bay Poly Group holds monthly discussions, while the North Bay Poly Mailing List serves Marin, Sonoma, and Mendocino counties.

Nude Beaches and Naturist Organizations

It needs to be emphasized that these locations and organizations are listed here not because they're appropriate for sexual activity, but because they're a great way to learn to be more comfortable with your body's shape and size. Having said that:

• The best guide to nude beaches is the Bay Guardian guide (though in brief: North Baker Beach in San Francisco is popular and within city limits, while Muir beach in Marin County is the most laid-back and Red Rock Beach in Marin County is the friendliest).
• The Lupin Club has a relaxing facility of their own, and hosts regular events such as massage exchanges and dances. Closer to Sacramento there's also Laguna Del Sol.
• Two travel clubs are Bay Area Naturists and Sanrobles.

Workshops on Spiritualized Sexuality

Same-Gender Classes

The Body Electric School offers their full range of men-only and women-only classes in nearby Oakland. The Energy Body Center specializes in men's workshops, while Love Journey specializes in women's workshops.

Mixed-Gender Classes

The Human Awareness Institute and the Institute for Ecstatic Living both sponsor workshops throughout the year at at the Harbin Center. Celebrations of Love also hosts a rich schedule of Tantra-related events in this area, while the Center for Healing and Expression hosts them more sporadically. Deborah Anapol, Jwala, and Annie Sprinkle often host workshops in San Francisco or nearby Marin County, and the nearby Wildwood Retreat Center is used by the Body Electric School for their mixed-gender Sacred Intimacy and Two Spirits workshops. Further south are the Steel Door workshops, which typically focus on both BDSM and spiritual practices.

Shopping

Sex Toys

Good Vibrations is the place to go for most sex toys and video rentals. For a more extensive selection of BDSM equipment, try Mr. S Leather and Stormy Leather.

Clothing and Body Modification

Try Stormy Leather and Madame S first for women's leather and fetish fashion. Mr S Leather is an excellent choice for for most men's leather and fetish clothing, though you can also check check Leather Etc for deals while you're in the neighborhood.

Either Romantasy or Dark Garden sell corsets. For custom rubber clothing (either men's or women's) try Vampire Technology among other places.

Popular boutiques for women's lingerie include Chadwick's of London, My Boudoir, Alla Prima, Toujours, and Les Cent Culottes.

For drag clothing, see Piedmont. For women's dance wear and club wear, see NY Apparel.

Black n Blue Tattoo for tattoos and Body Manipulations for piercing are the most common recommendations for body modification.

Leather community swap meets are held three times a year, each followed by a play party at another location.

Annual Events

• The Sex Worker Film Festival in May
• The DomDominion Dominatrix Convention in May
• The Masturbate-a-Thon fundraiser each May
• The San Francisco International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival in June
• The Pride Parade in June
• Burning Man in August (admittedly not in San Francisco but many SF residents attend, and regardless it's one of the most amazing and magical events on the entire planet)
• The Folsom Street Fair in September
• The Exotic Erotic Ball in October

SFSI sometimes offers or co-sponsors large-scale events of their own.

Note that an online newspaper called The Spectator can usually be counted on to report significant happenings within Bay Area sex-positive culture, and also contains select event listings.

HIV/STD Testing, Reproductive Health, and Counseling

HIV/STD testing referrals are available through the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, though one commonly-used location is the San Francisco City Clinic. A Planned Parenthood clinic is located dowtown at 815 Eddy Street, and offers drop-in hours for emergency contraception. Kink-aware physician and psychotherapist listings are available on the KAP list.

One apparently well-respected sex therapist in the San Francisco area is Claudia Six.

Sexual Entertainment and Club Guides

For the straight world, the book Horny? San Fransico picks up where the guide you're reading now leaves off.

For the gay and drag world, the book Betty and Pansy's Severe Queer Review of San Francisco picks up where the guide you're reading now leaves off, and also does a particularly good job of covering the gay bars and dance clubs.

The Rest of Life

Places to Walk and Enjoy Nature

Within San Francisco, Ocean Beach. Just north of the city, the Muir Woods National Monument.

The City's Fine Arts

We debated which section to put 848 Community Space in and finally put it here: this arts venue currently hosts classes and performances in contact improvisation (a particularly sensual form of modern dance) as well as theatrical and literary events relevant to sex-positive culture, e.g. the monthly Perverts Put Out erotica readings.

One unique, magical, and absolutely-not-to-be-missed experience in San Francisco is the three-dimensional sound collage performance space at the Audium.

Here are other recommendations for arts basics:

• SFMOMA for visual arts
• The Castro Theatre for movies
• TIX for live theatre tickets and recommendations
• Amoeba in the Haight for recorded music
• Yokoso Nippon for sushi
• KUSF or KALX for independent college radio

Relaxing in a Hot Tub or Sauna

The women-only Osento bathhouse is world-famous, though a Japanese spa called Kabuki has recently begun offering women-only nights. Please note that neither of these are sexual venues: they're just for relaxation.

A place called The Hot Tubs would be a better place to take someone as part of a romantic evening, since it offers some privacy.

Guides to More of the City's Sights, or Staying Longer-Term

Try Let's Go: San Francisco or The Underground Guide to San Francisco.

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