A Guide to Sex Toys

Introduction

Chances are you already own at least one sex toy: your bed. Just like a vibrator or bottle of water-based lube, your bed is something not found in nature that makes sex more pleasurable and comfortable for you. But unlike a bed, for women a vibrator might make the difference between having orgasms easily or not, or between having orgasms during partner sex or not. For men, an anal toy might make the difference between having an interesting new kind of sensation, or not. And for everyone, a bottle of water-based lube might make the difference between penetration of any kind being hot and slippery and totally discomfort-free, or not.

With that in mind, the following guide summarizes the purpose and use of the most popular types of sex toys available right now, with a focus on what is likely to make the biggest difference for the most people. For each type of toy, we've identified which specific model seems to be the best-made and best-designed of those currently available. And for those who want to obtain a particular item, the links for each are to that item's page on the Toys in Babeland web site (which is far and away our favorite sex toy store - they're women-owned, they've won a multitude of quality and customer service awards including those from The Village Voice and Zagat, they can knowledgeably answer whatever questions you might have, and all shipping is done with complete regard for your confidentiality and privacy).

This guide was last updated on March 21, 2005.

Toys for Women

For Having Orgasms With: Vibrators

If you're female, or have a female partner, a vibrator is the toy most likely to make the biggest difference to your sex life. Many women have their first orgasm with a vibrator, and most women find it easier to reach orgasm with a vibrator then by any other way. Furthermore, most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone (not through any lack of appreciation or love for their partners, and not through any failing at all on their partner's part, rather just through how the female body is constructed), so if you're a male with a female partner and think it would be sexy and hot for her to have an orgasm while you're having intercourse, a vibrator could be the best present you could get.

Note that in this section we're just talking about vibrators that are meant to stimulate the clitoris, i.e. which are used externally, rather than inserted into the vagina. Regardless of what image may pop into your head when you hear the word "vibrator," the external kind is by far the most effective for having orgasms, and by far the most commonly recommended (not to mention that they can then also be used during intercourse with a partner).

Outlet-Powered Vibrators

If you buy only one vibrator, we recommend buying one that uses an electrical outlet rather than batteries: they last longer (potentially decades), they never run out of power just as you're about to have an orgasm, and since they're made by mainstream electronics companies and sold in everyday stores (people actually DO use them on their aching backs and feet) you don't even have to be embarrassed if someone else finds it.

Of the outlet-powered vibrators, the preferred choice is still the Hitachi Magic Wand: in comparison to other plug-in models the Hitachi Magic Wand is easier to use during sex with a partner, it's easier to put a condom over the end in case someone else wants to use it, and the optional penetrative attachments that you can get for it are higher-quality.

Tips: Use it through panties, sheets, or a thin towel if the vibrations are a little too intense for your bare clit. If you want to go for multiple clitoral orgasms, then after the first one back off on the pressure while keeping the vibrator moving, avoiding direct contact with your clit until your arousal level builds again. Moving your hips while using your vibrator - perhaps also squeezing and relaxing your "PC" muscle in time with your breathing - is something else that can enhance the whole experience. And finally, when it comes to using your vibrator during intercourse with a partner, you'll probably find that "doggy style" is the most convenient position to use the vibrator in.

Battery-Powered Vibrators

Even if you already own an outlet-powered vibrator, picking up a separate battery-powered one can still make sense: the smallest of them can easily be kept in a purse, you can use them more discreetly and spontaneously, they may be more convenient for partner sex if you and your partner like to change positions a lot, obviously you can use them when you're not near an electrical outlet, and some of them can be used in or near water (which is nice if you have a hot tub, or if the bathroom is the only place in your house where you have some privacy).

Right now the most versatile choice is probably the Waterdancer: it's very small, very well made, and completely waterproof, with a design similar to that of the famed (but non-waterproof) "Pocket Rocket."

Tip: Make sure you have spare batteries.

For Enhancing Your Orgasms: G-Spot Toys and Dildos

Once you've become comfortable using a vibrator on your clitoris, there are two different directions it might be fun to explore: either using a firm G-spot toy to also deliver firm pressure against your G-spot, or else using a dildo so that you can enjoy a fuller and more satisfied feeling while using your vibrator. Before beginning, please keep in mind that any toy you penetrate yourself with is going to feel better if you first apply a little water-based lube to it: good lube choices are covered a little later in this guide.

G-Spot Toys

We realize a lot of fuss gets made about the "G-spot," and not every woman finds pressure on this area of their vagina to be enjoyable, but the people who like it often find that they really like it, so please bear with us for a quick recap...

Basically, the G-spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina (i.e. in the direction of your belly) about two to three inches in (i.e. just beyond the pubic bone), which particularly when you're very aroused may feel a little different from the area around it. One way to find and stimulate your G-spot is with a partner, using his or her first two fingers inside you to press firmly upwards, and perhaps stroke the area of the G-spot with a slight "come to me" motion. The other way to find and stimulate your G-spot is with a rigid curved toy.

So, if you own a Hitachi Magic Wand, one way to get started is to pick up the Gee Whiz attachment for it. If you own a clitoral vibrator other than the Hitachi Magic Wand, then get the Archer Wand toy instead (which is also the best choice if you either already know you like extremely firm G-spot pressure, or are having trouble finding your G-spot). On the other hand, if you don't own any sort of vibrator but know you definitely want something that can stimulate your G-spot as well as your clit, then the Nubby G may be your best bet.

Although G-spot stimulation isn't something that's enjoyable for every woman, if it works for you then the point is to either deepen and intensify the orgasms you get from your vibrator by stimulating your G-spot as you approach and go through your clitoral orgasm, or else to enjoy the G-spot stimulation as a sensation and source of orgasmic release completely on its own (maybe after first having one clitoral orgasm to warm up, or maybe not).

Tips: the first big tip about G-spot stimulation is that it's probably only going to be fun once you're aroused, and the more aroused you are the more fun it may be. The second big tip about G-spot stimulation is that the pressure may need to be quite firm and focused in order to work for you.

Dildos

While G-spot toys are designed to intensely stimulate one particular part of the vagina, most dildos are designed to give you a more generally satisfying feeling of fullness, and perhaps feel good when gently moved in and out. When you have a clitoral orgasm with your vibrator or fingertips they give you something firm and satisfying to clench your vaginal muscles around, and if you like having sex with men they give you a feeling at least a little bit like intercourse with your partner which may help you fantasize. They're also available in a wide variety of shapes and textures, so you never have to get bored.

Your first choice in selecting a dildo is the material you want it to be made out of, and these days that's a no-brainer: you want silicone. Silicone is hypoallergenic and non-porous (meaning that if you like you can either clean it with hot water and anti-bacterial soap or else completely sterilize it by boiling it for five minutes), it feels warm to the touch and retains body heat, it transmits vibration beautifully, it can be made into toys that range from floppy to almost completely rigid, and if taken care of (i.e. not exposed to anything sharp that could puncture or tear it, and not exposed to silicone lubes) your toy could last a lifetime. In short, it's the perfect material to make a dildo out of.

Your second choice is selecting a width and length, and of these getting the right width is by far the more important (since you can always just not insert the dildo as far, or else wrap your fist around the base, if it would otherwise be too long). One way to pick a width is to use a rule of thumb: if you know that having two fingers in you feels just about right then select a dildo between an inch and an inch and a half in diameter, but if three fingers feels better to you then pick something slightly larger than an inch and a half in diameter. If you'd like to be more sure than this, you could first purchase some inexpensive non-silicone dildos in a variety of widths (such as these), and then choose the width of your silicone purchase based on which felt the most comfortable to you.

Your third choice is whether or not you want your dildo to resemble a human penis (though note that the "non-realistic" models are available in a variety of abstract textures and shapes, so in other words you don't have to miss out on any interesting kinds of friction just because your dildo doesn't have fake veins).

Your final choice is shape. Do you like the slightly eye-popping feeling of first being penetrated? Then pick something with a slightly pronounced head or knob at the tip. Do you like pressure against the forward wall of your vagina? Then pick something with a curve. But in general, it's probably simplest to just look at the shape and imagine what it might feel like inside you, and what it might feel like entering you, and make your choice from there.

So, with all that in mind, here are the links to the realistic silicone dildos that Toys in Babeland carries, and their non-realistic silicone dildos.

For Having Harness Sex with a Partner

A harness is something you strap onto your pelvis to hold a dildo just over your pubic bone, which you can then use to penetrate your partner either vaginally or anally almost as if you had a flesh-and-blood penis. This is a powerful fantasy for some men and women, though certainly not all. However, like anything else in life that's safe, if you're not sure whether you'd like it or not then you're probably better off trying it at least once, so you and your partner can have more time in your lives to enjoy it if you find that it's something you both enjoy.

Right now, the preferred harness definitely seems to be the extremely well-constructed Terra Firma. Examples of dildos it can be paired with include the Willow (small), the Mistress (medium), and the Leo (medium-large).

Tips: When using a harness, imagine that the dildo is actually part of your body (for most people this makes it easier to control). Also, if you have problems with your dildo slipping out of your partner, select a dildo with a slightly bulbous "head" so that the increased resistance will alert you when it's about to pop out.

Toys for Men

For Penile Stimulation

Most men have their first orgasm with the help only of one of their hands, and throughout life this may remain a perfectly enjoyable and comfortable way to reach orgasm. However, there's definitely no harm in experimenting with new sensations to see if you like them. For example: the Hugger Vibrator, which focuses sensation on the head of the penis, or the Cybersleeve, which distributes sensation all along the shaft of the penis.

For Prostate Stimulation

For some men (though certainly not all), ass play in general, and prostate stimulation in specific, is the one thing they discover in late adulthood that they wish they'd discovered in early adulthood.

The "Toys for Either Women or Men" section below will cover most butt toys, since most of them are designed equally for men or women, but one toy deserves special mention in this section: the Aneros. It's specifically designed for men for the sake of prostate stimulation, either on its own or accompanying masturbation, and is basically the men's equivalent of the "Archer Wand" toy mentioned earlier.

Something Often Overlooked...

We realize this suggestion may seem out of place in a sex toy guide, but we can't help but mention it: finding clothing that expresses who you are. The increased feelings of sexiness which you gain from wearing clothes that you feel you look good in, and which you feel confident in, is very real regardless of your gender.

Toys for Either Women or Men

Lubes

For almost any kind of penetration (whether with fingers, a penis, or a dildo, and whether vaginal or anal), slippery is sexy and dry is usually uncomfortable. So basically, a bottle of lube is a fundamental thing to have on hand if you're sexually active. Since oil-based lubes destroy latex condoms and silicone-based lubes are only good for very specific situations, a water-based lube is almost certainly what you want.

Water-Based

Water-based lube is your basic, recommended type of lube. It works beautifully with latex, it won't harm any of your sex toys, and it feels natural. For any kind of sex involving vaginal or anal penetration, it can make sex 1000% more fun.

Basically, try Slippery Stuff if you'll mainly use it for vaginal penetration, and try Maximus if you'll mainly use it for anal penetration. Both of these water-based lubes are also glycerin-free, which means they're less likely to feel sticky. If neither of these lubes suit your needs, then try a lube sampler to figure out which kind works best for you.

Silicone-Based

We hesitated to mention silicone lubes in this guide at all, since the overwhelming majority of people actually shouldn't buy them: if you accidentally use a silicone-based lube with one of your silicone toys, an adhesive reaction results which will destroy that toy. Furthermore, since silicone-based lube doesn't feel like natural vaginal lubrication, for most people it wouldn't be the preferred choice for any kind of vaginal penetration.

However, there are two specific situations in which silicone-based lube might make sense: when having sex underwater (since water dissolves water-based lubes but not silicone-based lubes), and for lengthy and intense anal penetration.

Right now, the most commonly recommended brand of silicone-based lube is Eros Gel.

Anal Toys

A good anal toy can be a revelation: assuming you have some water-based lube so that inserting the toy is comfortable, it can provide stimulation to the nerve-rich anus while going in, and once in can intensify in a very interesting way the feeling of the whole pelvic region during sex. There are two broad categories of anal toys: those meant to be left in during play, and those meant to be gradually pulled out or pushed in during play.

Toys Meant to be Left in During Play

These are otherwise known as "butt plugs." They have a special shape that helps them stay in once they're inserted, and can be left in while you have other kinds of sex. Choices include the Pendant (small), the Ryder (medium), and the Tristan Plug II (large).

Toys Meant to be Gradually Pulled Out During Play

You may have heard of "anal beads." The more durable alternative is a dildo with a series of bulbs shaped like beads, but without a string running through them that can weaken or break. But either way, the point is the same: you insert them, and gradually pull them out during intercourse or masturbation, perhaps leaving a few for the moment of orgasm itself. The impact of this kind of sensation on your orgasm can be dramatic. Right now, the best anal toy created with this kind of play in mind is the Ripple.

For Cleaning Beforehand, if Desired

To start with, even though the ass is generally cleaner than you might think, if the nature of ass play still leaves you uncomfortable, there's nothing stopping you from using latex or Nitryl gloves for penetration with fingers, dams for rimming, and condoms on any toys that are going to be inserted. There's also nothing stopping you from using the bathroom well before playing, or taking a shower before playing.

But for an additional level of cleaning, or perhaps for an interesting sensation in and of itself, a cleansing douche is always an option.

For Blindfolded Play

Blindfolds are sexy for good reasons: they're a consensual way for the receiver to completely focus on what they're feeling, and they're a way to remove any ambiguity as to who is "running the scene." Unfortunately, despite what you may have seen in the movies, just tying a bandanna around someone's head usually doesn't work very well, so you'd probably want something more secure and simpler to apply. The Soho Blindfold is one good choice.

For Bondage and Sensation Play

The range of play which falls under the heading of "BDSM" is vast. Stated poetically rather than technically, it's a way to take the freedom to struggle and strain without hurting anyone, combine that with intense sensations which produce the same endorphin and adrenaline rushes you might get from sports, and bundle the whole thing together with sex.

Just by way of example, if your main interest as a couple is one of you being able to prevent the other from moving, then bondage tape might be an inexpensive place to start, and once you have either eye bolts or bed posts for securement, continuing to a combination of leather wrist restraints, wrist cuff connectors, and ankle restraints.

Similarly, if your main interest is creating different kinds of (possibly intense) sensations for your partner, then examples of things to look at depending on your interests would be nipple clamps and paddles/floggers.

Slings

If you have the space to set one up (and the freedom to put eye bolts in a ceiling beam to support it), a sling can be a very cool thing to have. It allows "weightless" intercourse, it makes fisting much easier, and it makes sex a much easier thing for pregnant women to have. Toys in Babeland offers a basic ceiling-mounted sling with mounting kit.

Candlelight

Don't forget: candlelight is the most flattering form of illumination you're likely to find, and when used safely is probably the single easiest way to upgrade the appearance of wherever you and your partner play.

Sex Games

Most of the "sex games" you see advertised are pretty cheesy, but we've found a few which seem to have value: the Sex Questions game for helping partners learn more about each other, and the Pervartistry game for having fun with a group of open-minded adults.

Safer Sex Supplies

If you're worried about getting sick, or you're worried about getting pregnant when you don't want to be pregnant, then sex probably isn't going to be completely fun no matter what you do. So in other words, gaining confidence in your safer sex and birth control arrangements is one of the sexier things you can do for yourself.

This section will focus exclusively on safer sex supplies: for effective birth control please contact Planned Parenthood at 1-800-230-PLAN to arrange a discussion of your options.

Latex Condoms

From a public health perspective, using latex condoms for penile->vaginal and penile->anal penetration, in any case where one partner may have a transmittable STD which the other does not, is the one habit which would make the biggest difference in the fight against STD's.

A terrific latex condom for most men is the Kimono Microthin: they're thin and transmit sensation well, they're well-constructed, and having no taste that we can discern they're as suitable to oral sex as they are to intercourse. If after trying one you decide you'd like a snugger fit, then try Lifestyle Snugger Fit. If after trying one you decide you'd like a roomier fit, then try Pleasure Plus if you'd like more room at the head but the same snug fit at the base, or else Maxx if you'd like a roomier fit all-around. If you'd like to experiment with a condom that might provide a different sensation to you then try the Inspiral, and if you'd like to experiment with a condom that might provide a slightly different sensation to your partner then try the Kimono Sensation. On the other hand, if you're looking for inexpensive condoms not to go around a penis but rather to go around the head of your Hitachi Magic Wand, then pick up a pack of Trustex. If none of these options seem to suit you, then try a condom sampler pack to continue your search.

Tips: Condoms are most comfortable and effective when what they're surrounded by is slippery rather than dry - so either keep a small bottle of water-based lube with your condoms, or failing that a few single-use packets of water-based lube. Also, as an STD prevention measure the uncomfortable and generally questionable chemical Nonoxynol-9 has definitely fallen out of favor - Toys in Babeland won't carry any condoms or lubes that contain this substance, but if you're buying at a drug store or supermarket you'll need to avoid them on your own.

Latex Dams

Dams are thin rectangles of latex intended for safer oral sex when going down on a woman (cunnilingus), or for safer and cleaner oral sex when licking someone's anus (analingus). For these purposes, far and away the best product is the Glyde Dam. One important tip: putting a bit of water-based lube on the recipient's side of the barrier can help a lot more sensation be transmitted to them.

Unfortunately, if you're used to performing cunnilingus without a barrier, but now feel you must for the sake of your own safety or that of your partner, then making the transition to using a dam can be hard. If this remains true for you, even with practice, then please understand there's no shame in learning to use your hands instead: particularly if you take the opportunity to passionately kiss someone or whisper nasty things to them as you're pleasuring them, sex with hands rather than mouths really can feel awfully good...

Latex Gloves

Particularly if some of the skin on your hands is damaged (or if there is any chance you'll come into contact with blood) and your partner is of unknown STD/HIV status, latex gloves may make sense for finger or hand penetration. They may also make sense if you want to penetrate your partner's ass with your fingers but you have cleanliness concerns (since after you're done you can just peel the glove off and throw it in the trash).

The black latex gloves offered by Toys in Babeland are great choices, since by virtue of the fact that they're black latex they also look cool.

Alternatives for People with Latex Allergies

Although in each case the latex safer sex choice is probably the best choice if you can use it, for partners who are allergic to latex (an allergy particularly common amongst medical professionals) alternative safer sex materials may be needed.

If you or your partner is allergic to latex, then for penile->vaginal or penile->anal intercourse the Avanti polyurethane condom is certainly one option (though please understand it is by no means ideal: since polyurethane doesn't stretch as well as latex the reliability and fit is probably just NOT going to be as good for you). An alternative to Avanti is the Reality female condom, which is also usable for anal sex if you remove its inner ring.

For cunnilingus or analingus, if you or your partner is allergic to latex but some sort of barrier is still needed, your best bet is probably to use regular (i.e. non-microwaveable) kitchen plastic wrap instead.

For hands and fingers, Nitryl gloves are available as a substitute for latex gloves in cases where gloves are needed.

For More Information...

This guide focused on the sex toys which are likely to have the biggest impact for the most people. It did not cover every possible use of each toy, or even all the toys currently available. For that, see Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by the founders of Toys in Babeland.

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